just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
