whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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