we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
