haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
