What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
