sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Do vagina's smell?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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