census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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