yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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