Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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