i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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