I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
