You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
