the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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