I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
