I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
