Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
