So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she woke up with a sticky ear
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
