she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
