if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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