forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
