Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She bit a glass in half.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize