yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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