Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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