Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
