he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
