I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
