This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
