oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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