sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize