I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize