Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
