When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He better not be in your backpack
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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