I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
