you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
