im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize