then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
