So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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