Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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