My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize