Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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