At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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