Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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