just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
...so i touched it.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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