I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
