He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
