hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
