she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
