i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
COCAINE IS GR8
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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