...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
