I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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