Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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