I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
