Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
