just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
