Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
