I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
