By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
