Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
