you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
