I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
