I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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