I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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