We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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