try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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