They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
