Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
