U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
