if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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